Tuesday, March 31, 2009
A gunman walks into a bank wearing a balaclava, waves a pistol and shouts
"this is a hold up, every one stand still and look at the floor"
He then jumps the counter and fills up a bag with money.
As he is leaving the bank a brave soul reaches out and pulls the Balaclava off.
The gunman immediately shoots the hero in the head and shouts, "did any one else see my face?"
After a few moments of silence a voice from the back says,
"I think my wife might have”
The World's Shortest Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and left thetoilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
I know they are gross (male humour) but you have to laugh 'cose they are so awful
Friday, March 27, 2009
After my trip to the gym last Saturday and a long walk on Sunday I began to think my exercise regime was back in full swing but no it hasn't happened that way at all. I seem to have been running errands for others all week and haven't had a day to myself.
Visited A Pam Monday morning and found her very depressed so spent a large part of the morning trying very hard to motivate a person who really doesn’t have a sense of reasoning – well all her thoughts and feelings had changed within a few minutes of us talking about them.
So glad I’d brought chocolate with me as she loves it and seems to buck up once the box is opened. She kept saying ‘you have some’ and got most upset if I said No – so to keep on her good side I’d have a nibble and then place it in a packet in my bag.
One or two extra points are ok but at the rate she wanted me to eat them (both the chocolate and the points they represented) I’d of not had any left to for lunch or dinner that evening lol
Spent the afternoon talking to oldest Dd – another unhappy lady.
This time I found out her role at work had been made redundant so she was at home if I needed her. Offered another position in the company she decided even tho’ it might not have been the best thing in this environment she’d take the package and leave, have a rest and reassess her life.
I know I said unhappy but I don’t think that’s actually true ‘cose she was looking forward to being at home, not having to rush out the door and get the little one to school so she could get to work on time, not have to utilise after school care or vacation care ‘cose both she and the partner were at work, be able to do all the household things like cooking lovely meals and not have a pile of ironing in the corner.
You know Mum all the things you did when we were at school.
What she is annoyed about is the likelihood of not having the extra cash to do what she wants with. Had to keep telling her it wasn’t HER who was made redundant it was her JOB and not having extra cash isn’t the end of the world. Not sure she believed me tho:(
I have to pick up DGd (her little one) from school today and this time I mustn’t be late.
Last week I was late, nobody in the kiss and ride area when I got there so had to go and look for her. Whoops, was I in trouble - needless to say she was not amused and Oh the humiliation of having to sign her out from The Office as a Late Pick Up.
All those feelings came back as I approached the window - you know the ones I mean – I felt as tho I’d done something wrong and could expect the door to open and The Headmaster to come out.
Anyway today Mum is off doing an event already arranged well before her date with the CEO last week – she and 3 friends are running/walking the Melbourne Oxfam 100km Trailwalker which began today and will continue over the weekend.
It certainly doesn't seem like 12 months since the last time they attemped it, she and the other girls are experienced walkers/runners and baring anything going wrong hope to finish in the early hours of tomorrow morning. Not my idea of fun but then I'll give them full marks for trying :))
On Wednesday I took Leroy our old old Chocolate Burmese Fella to the vet but I'll talk about that another day - he was diagnosed with something nasty late last year but now it may not be true after all which was one thing that did go right this week
My brother rang from England the other day to say they would be over in Jouly, great 'cept we had just decided we'd go north for the Winter again. Lots of map looking and rearranging of dates and places which means we will meet them in Cairns late July instead of in Melbourne as they thought in August. Hopefully I'll get to call in to Brisbane again and meet up with the GD we don't see. Thats all in the future tho'
There is a definite change in the air down here now, its not getting light till nearly 7am, didn't look at the clock when I woke this morning and then had a fit as it was later than I thought, had to run like crazy to be out on time. Microwave porridge isn't the same as cooked on the stove
We've had some lovely sunny days but its getting cooler overnight and feels cold in the mornings, that silly time when the house takes ages to warm up and feels colder than outside so you're putting on and taking off as you go in and out. No bare feet these days and certainly slippers in the evening.
The Run for The Kids both Dh and I volunteered for last year is being run next Sunday so we'll be up and in the city early then.
Had the volunteers meeting last night in Melbourne so we tootled off on the train (cost a fortune in parking last year) and thought that the best option. Went in about 3.30 in the afternoon, the train was packed with High School kids, you know that lovely group of young people from the age of 11/12 up to 17/18 , oh - can they talk and make a noise.
Laughed inwardly at the girls discussing the boys and the show off behaviour of the boys, as the train moved along the line some got off and other groups from other schools got on but it didn't seem to matter what school - state or private they all seemed to act the same way lol
You know theres lots of talk these days about people not reading and being more concerned with other technology, yet another thing I noticed on the way home (9pm) I would think out of the 100 heads I counted in our carriage at least 80 of the would have been reading something - a book, newspaper, what looked like work materials or even school/educational material.
Surprising as it may seem I didn't see one laptop open - lots of eyes closed at times, mine included :)
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Many aspects of human sexuality are very puzzling .......... take celibacy.
This can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by environmental factors.
While attending a Marriage Encounter Weekend, Robert and Mary listened to the
'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to
He addressed the men. 'Can you each name and describe your wife's favourite
Robert leaned over, touched Mary's arm gently and whispered, 'Self raising,
Thus began Robert's life of celibacy.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Theres so much feeling in this photo - even now when I look at it I can still remember the worry of the 2 little boys who thought they weren't going to get an ice cream.
Our eldest son and daughter had taken theirs from Dh when he was served at the van in the background - I'd taken the youngest 3 to the loo and when we returned to see them with the ice cream the youngest boys and the other daughter were really worried that Dad had forgotten them.
Dad had his back to them so they couldn't see what he had in his hands - truth be told they were more interested in what was in their brother's hand :))
The camera was so handy and I just couldn't resist taking the picture. The funny thing was normally they would have been carrying on and tears would have been coming down - not that day, they just stood there looking.
Mr Whippy is an Australian Icon - lots of imitators drive the steets - but he seems to have been in business the longest. The strains of Greensleaves alerts kids all round the neighbourhood - some parents have been known to tell their children that he plays the music to let the parents know he's run out of ice creams.
How mean is that lol
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary
He then arranging to have her killed.
A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.
The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Woolworths store.
There he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands.
As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene.
Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.
However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.
Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.
The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared....
(You're going to hate me for this...).
'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WOOLWORTHS!'
Saturday, March 21, 2009
click the photos to enlarge
'Cept for Tennis that is.
Tennis lessons go all year round down here and Saturday is a big day for kids lessons. This was at 10am and they would have continued all morning with the various ages and levels turning up at their allocated times.
An hour of Body Pump made me understand that not all my muscles had been used recently which meant I had to recover with coffee and cake when I got home. Well, Dh had just put the kettle on and I didn't say no to either of the things he offered, so coffee and cake it was.
We now have the cash to order a water tank and I spent time this afternoon clearing and tidying up the area round the side of the garage where it will go. We want the downpipe water inlet and the outlet tap at the same end which means it has to be a special order so will take about 3 weeks till delivery which is good 'cose the ground has to be levelled and that will mean some hard work on someone's part - not mine as I'm not good at that sort of stuff - or at least thats what I told Dh and he sort of accepted that he'd be the someone lol
Friday, March 20, 2009
The nature strips (the grass verge between the footpath and the road) outside most homes is piled high with all the big stuff that is difficult to get rid of and the councils give us a treat and actually do something for us in return for all the money we pay in Rates.
They come round and pick it all up, crush the rubbish but also take the good stuff off to the tip and put it in the Tip Shop so it can be bought back by other hard up folk who didn't se it when it was free at the roadside.
Now a lot of people are saying the monetary handouts the Rudd government are giving to tax payers and others don't seem to be having an effect on the economy but going by what can seen on the kerbsides I beg to differ lol
Fridges, freezers and washing machines as well as lounge furniture and beds are being chucked out all over the place. If you are the market for an exercise bike you can pick them up for free as theres plenty for the taking which makes me think the exercise fad has gone out the door or there have been some really good specials on new equipment.
This is when we see the local version of window shopping - drive slowly - very slowly down the street and checkout all those piles through the car window, stop suddenly when they look interesting and rummage through, claim for your own anything you might be able to return to life and then drive off at speed in case one of the neighbours recognises you.
Some unlucky people are getting caught and being fines by the councils who claim once its on the nature strip ready for collection it belongs to them. Which is a shame as recycling is what makes the world go round, with the economy the way it is and unemployment rising higher all the time I'm sure that this year I have seen more fellas in utes picking up metal in all forms than any other year recently.
The scrap metal business' must be doing a roaring trade
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Pop over to Joolz and see a post on her home town and locality
And you must read Linda's also on her town and area
Whilst we all live in Australia its good to know there is no sameness to our towns and states - there used to be a TV programme on ABC called A Big Country and reading these brings the same feelings back as when I watched this programme.
Does anyone else remember seeing it?
We haven't used (or had ) a dryer at home for many years - ours packed up and at that time there were various reasons why we didn't replace it - lack of money, effect on electricity bill, and the thought that here in Melbourne maybe tomorrow would be a day when I could use the outside line after all.
I can (and do) hang clothes overnight in the doorway of the laundry and they are often dry the next morning and for other larger things I use the big clothes horse outside under the covered deck. The one thing I have never wanted is a line outside the back door under the covered deck - Chinese laundry style:)
Well I was given a large package and this is what it contained -
Yes, a portable collapsible rotary clothes line, fully assembled and so easy to put up.
Made up of two halves that slot together, the top half with the line sides down the pole and the bottom half with the legs slides up its pole - and it comes with a zippered bag for storage.
Nowhere near as much line as I normally use mind you but the thought was there and I love them for it.
It fits into that space quite nicely and isn't in anyones way if they need to walk past; if we do need that seating it can easily be relegated to the garage, only not for long or I'll forget its there and run out of undies :)
Monday, March 16, 2009
All the jackets in the first picture are the same design, simple sleeveless 2 fronts and a back, pick up round the sides for an armhole and round the neck for a little collar as such. Difference is apparent I think - two in Fishermans Rib, one in Broken Rib and the other two in a pattern I borrowed from another cardigan in another book. As long as you have the correct number of stitiches to form the pattern the world is your oyster.
I love these two in the girly colours Now these are another design I enjoy knitting - knit the two fronts and then join both together with extra stitches at the neck and knit on down for the back. Because the little armhole os part of the design all thats needed then is to pick up for the neckband and join at the sides. Easy peasy as the kids say lol
This variegated wool is all the rage over here at the moment
Even tho' the knitting pattern is for 8ply (similar to double knit) because the design is measured in rows the thickness of the yarn means they can all be different sizes. That happens anyway with lots of patterns, hence the need for a tension square if its an important garment. Not knowing what size these will be is half the fun and this little one is really cute. .
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Follow those links and you'll see the fabulous place she had near to where she lives.
I suppose we live here in the eastern suburbs of Melbourne 'cose we are close to all the things we enjoy.
We are an hour from the city (Melbourne) just over an hour from the coast and so so close to the beautiful Dandenongs and the Yarra Valley.
click on the photos to enlarge
Where if turn one way and go up the road you can then follow the Tourist Road up into the mountains you can see in the distance...................
Or you can turn the other and make your way to a larger 'town' with shopping centres and the railway to the city..............................
The walking path along here is fairly narrow not concrete but made form gravel and runs past fenced gardens in some places and others with tall leafy treed fences instead . Have to be careful if I use this route for my daily walk - its not as level as it looks and can have me puffing in places lol
As you come up that hill you can look up and off to the Dandenongs in the distance or back down over the wetlands . This is just a little look at a place I love and would miss if we moved away
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Oh, misery - misery
Friday, March 13, 2009
You make people feel euphoric and dreamy.
You're very addicting.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Considering the awful heat and lack of rain we have had this summer the roses in the background of the next photo still look quite healthy, they are at the back of the bed and near tall shrubs so they get some shade at the hottest time of the day and then into the afternoon.
As you can see I had company - Kiera aka Brookwood Maura Delight, yes she's a Brown Burmese, - who always likes to know what's going on and puts her nose in to all sorts of places, whether its appreciated or not!
I'm reckon she's thinking - 'I'm not sure where I'm going but it looks interesting'
Anyway we'd just had shower of rain and having a go at the real art farty type stuff I was trying to snap raindrops on theSedum Autumn Joy which appears to be the only thing that seems to have survived. Not sure about the salvias in that area...........there seems to be green shoots coming up there so we can but hope lol
Watch out here comes sticky beak !!
She hung around while I snapped away........................I'll show you those tomorrow - but today is all about this little madam.
Then she tootled off to investigate the Nepeta patch under the roses - what roses you ask. They are still there - just.
Last weeks rain will have done them good and if the cooler weather continues I'll give them a pick me up drink of Seasol and a little haircut.
'Now this smells familar'
The cats love Nepeta and it always puts on a good show in the Spring with the early rose blooms.
'I can still smell it'
'Thats tickling my ear!'
If its chopped back occasionally it will flower most of the year. They look awful at the moment but as you can see some of the plants are starting to shoot again and I'll trim the dead shoots off sometime.
On her way back to the house she stopped for a moment - liitle did she know there was something by those plants on the deck railing she would have loved to chase - I'll show you tomorrow.